Day 18: If social media could be a drink

Facebook- They think they're cool because they have over 50 Billion users. They think they are unstoppable. Zuckerberg you are a nerd who tried to be cool. Congrats, you're rich now. Stop trying to be cool because you have money and I'm sure you already have robot friends next you your blow up doll that give you you're own OJ, Sorry I'm terrible with these things I mean BJ. you forced your way to having 50 billion friends who use you for your science on computers. Facebook is the kind of drink that you get screwed over on when you witness your biggest crush get into a relationship with who you thought was your best friend but really has been talking about you behind your back about your hairy toe. It is really hairy though. So you vent on your status in under 420 characters about how heart broken you are. Then its over. Facebook is a Jager Bomb. Its one and DONE.

 

Twitter-Apparently Facebook isn't as immediate so let's have something were we talk about when we went to the bathroom, how many quarters are on the floor oh and my favorite "Isn't my new hair cute so cute!". Twitter you're a girl with needs so let's call you the Mother of all Strawberry Daiquiris. The one with the whiny bitch holding it crying over her non-existent boyfriend back in High School. Okay, So we've all been there. Even I HAD a boyfriend...once.

Myspace-You were a hit in 2005, but then Facebook Happened, and somehow you became everybody's sloppy seconds. Occasionally a crappy band will post a song or two, not realizing this will get them absolutely NO exposure. I hate to say this, you're a has been. I love that your profile page could have a bit more creativity than Facebook's plain blue and white template. You are the Gin and Tonic. They taste great at first, but then they seem to catch up with you until you're a huge flippin mess.

tumblr- I'm not going to lie I'm one of these users. Tumblr people are nuts. Constantly on at hours at a time, even all night for those fap nights (if you know what I mean) Tumblr isn't even a drink, it's a drug. Tumblr in substance for is flipping Ecstasy and I'd love for someone to argue about that. Ever see someone panic if no one like their post....that they REBLOGGED? Didn't think so.

Instagram- I don't know what this is. Something that people use to take pictures with. To me, it sounds like a fucking camera. Nothing is special about that I'm sorry. you all sound like editing a picture was this trivial thing and now it's easy. You know how it started? Windows 95 with PAINT. You are a rum and coke. It's simple on the rocks, I guess it will do.

And Finally...

Blogspot- You started the blog, well in my eyes. Hell its in your name. You are in fact class with a bit of an edge. You help poor writers try to make something for themselves. It all start somewhere with the click of a blank word document you let our words travel endlessly. So what is the best traveler's drink? Something that holds in a flask of course. EVERYTHING. For me, it's bourbon.